wtf
A School District Is Being Sued For Spying On Students Using The Webcams Of School-Provided Laptops
Feb 20th
Michael and Holly Robbins send their son Blake to Harriton High School, one of two high schools in Lower Merion, Pennsylvania, a suburb west of Philadelphia. It’s a pretty wealthy area. In fact, the Lower Merion School School District is so wealthy, all 2,300 students at both high schools get a school-issued laptop. Sounds pretty sweet, right? There’s a catch: Recently, an assistant principal named Lindy Matsko told Michael and Holly that Blake had engaged in improper behavior at home . . . and the school had the webcam images to prove it. And that’s because the laptops came equipped with webcams that can be secretly activated by school administrators. Now the Robbins are suing the school district in Federal Court, and suspect the cameras captured other students and their family members in any number of embarrassing situations. School officials haven’t commented on the suit, or confirmed whether they secretly activated the webcams. And we’re not sure what Blake’s accused of doing. (Associated Press)
California School District Bans Dictionary Over ‘Oral Sex’ Definition
Jan 26th
A California school district has added a new book to the controversial list of literature that is considered unfit for young eyes.
It’s the dictionary.
The Golden State’s Menifee Union School District has yanked all copies of Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary from its shelves and is investigating the classic American text for containing “age-inappropriate” words.
The trouble started when an inquisitive student got lost somewhere between “oralism” and “orang” and found a rather recent entry to the lexicon: “oral sex,” a phrase that has been in common parlance since 1973 but still makes many parents fairly hot under the collar.
Menifee administrators chose to leave their lexicons languishing after a parent at Oak Meadows Elementary School complained about a child finding the definition, which reads, rather clinically: “oral stimulation of the genitals.”
CRAZY WAYS PEOPLE END UP IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM!
Jan 18th
In case you didn’t know, there’s an organization called The Consumer Product Safety Commission. And they have a special program called the National Electronic Injury Surveillance System. Basically, they look at the emergency room visits caused by consumer products. You CAN search their online database and look at all the weird stuff people do to themselves! For example, if you type in “penis” you get 273 hits. While “vagina” gets you 373 hits. And “rectum” gets you 87 hits. Plus there’s always a concise description of the injury in question. Stuff like . . .
–”PUT A PENCIL ERASER IN RECTUM”
–”ONE-FOOT LONG CANDLE STUCK IN RECTUM, BY GIRLFRIEND”
–”SWALLOWED STRING . . . NOW COMING OUT OF RECTUM”
–”PART OF RECTUM FELL OUT AND PASSED OUT”
–”USED COCAINE AND THEN INSERTED A WALKING CANE IN HIS RECTUM”
–”PUT PLASTIC RINGS IN RECTUM IN ORDER TO HIDE THEM”
–”SLIPPED IN TUB AND HIT VAGINA ON FAUCET”
–”SHE PUT A DOLL’S SHOE REALLY FAR UP INTO HER VAGINA”
–”HAD SEXUAL FANTASY, PUT COAT HANGER IN PENIS, HANGER BROKE”
(–You can mess around with this thing here . . .)
http://www.sun-sentinel2.com/features/ftlaudNEISS/ftlaudNEISS08_list.php
Top 10 Worst Commercials of the Decade
Dec 31st
We Dug up some of the WORST commercials of the decade for you. Enjoy…….or not…..whatevs…
10. Twix, Disfigured Face
We’d never buy a Twix after watching this commercial. For one thing, it features a guy with a horribly disfigured face. For another, you have to watch to the end to get the “invented a pause” gist. Someone should have invented a pause for the people who created this commercial. Maybe they could have come up with a better idea.
9. Tabasco, Singing Pepperoni
Hey, Kids! If you put Tabasco sauce on your pizza, you can experience the pure joy of eating these freaky heads, singing like a barbershop quartet!
8. Walmart, Let’s Tie Up Santa
Here’s an idea. Give kids the idea to lurk around the Christmas tree like a stalker and when Santa shows up, tie him up and steal his presents. Be sure to buy an iPod at Walmart, so the kids will have something to listen to while they’re waiting.
7. Skittles, Taste the … Depression
Instead of making us want to run out and buy some Skittles, this commercial goes horribly wrong. It’s got us depressed over the poor guy who can’t hold his newborn baby boy and kills people by shaking their hands.
6. Hardee’s, Fist Girl
Awww, that’s sweet. This girl can fit her whole fist in her mouth. We bet her mom is sooooo proud.
5. FreeCreditReport.com, Dream Girl
You know what? Instead of whining about your dream girl’s poor credit, how about you kick the band out and go get a job, loser? Looks to us like she’s doing all the work.
4. Boost Mobile, Bicycle
We realize the Boost Mobile commercials are supposed to make us see how wrong some things are. Sometimes they work, like this one about the Tony Soprano pig enjoying the delicious flavors of a fallen friend. But some are so disgusting, they make us want to turn the channel. Like this one with the girl and her gross armpit hair.
3. Burger King, Wake Up With the King
Yeah, seeing the plastic Burger King guy stalking outside your window is a perfect way to start your day. And apparently, the guy’s oblivious wife walking by in the background has been drugged by the King. Then again, none of this is probably as bad as waking up in bed with him.
2. Quiznos Subs, Rats
You have to wonder what the ad people were smoking when they came up with this commercial featuring rats — yes, rats! — selling subs. Really?!
1. Head On, Apply Directly to the Forehead
Not only is this commercial the most annoying ever, it actually gives you a headache. If we knew for sure that Head On was for headaches, maybe we’d try it. Wait, where do we apply it again?
CBS Want You To Get A Pap Smear!!
Dec 15th
“Give her the gift that Santa can’t deliver” Says an actor from CBS that I do not recognize. CBS is ecouraging you to get your wife or partner a pap smear!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS BABY I GOT YOU A VAG CHECK!
You can also “light her menorah!”
Thanks Jewish CBS actor that.. once again.. I DO NOT RECOGNIZE!
A Man Called 911…For Phone Sex!
Nov 14th
On Wednesday, 29-year-old Joshua Basso from Tampa, Florida, called 911 five times. And each time, the dispatcher hung up on him. That’s because during the series of calls, Joshua started asking the operator about her breasts. And he also asked if she’d have sex with him. Plus, it’s pretty apparent from the audio that he was molesting himself the entire time. Fifteen minutes after his last call, the cops showed up at Joshua’s door and arrested him. He’s been charged with misusing the 911 system, and is being held without bail. And if you’re wondering why Joshua didn’t call a phone sex line like every other horny loser who doesn’t have Internet access, it’s because his cell phone was out of minutes and he knew it was free to call 911.
Here’s his call.
[podcast]http://twiggins.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/911-for-phone-sex.mp3[/podcast]
Woman Calls To Report Herself Driving Drunk
Nov 2nd
Credit: Randy Son Of Robert / Flickr.com — Creative Commons
49-year-old Mary Strey from Granton, Wisconsin, was driving home from a bar Saturday night when she called 911 to report herself for driving drunk . . . while she was still driving. Initially, when the dispatcher asked if Mary was behind the drunk driver, she replied, quote, “I am them.” So the dispatcher asked her to pull over and put on her flashers, which she did. Police found her on the side of the road . . . and arrested her for drunk driving. Here’s her 911 call:
[podcast]http://twiggins.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/11/911drunkdriving.mp3[/podcast]
WTF?! Walmart Sells Caskets!
Nov 1st
Wal-Mart has started selling funeral caskets online. The descriptions make me feel like I am buying a car.
Generously sized, the Star Legacy’s Regal Wide Body has extended dimensions width combined with an adjustable bed. Exceptional quality, sleek design and squared corners add to its contoured look. The hand-tailored white crepe interior and hand-painted, high gloss antique gunmetal finish is complemented with classically designed hardware and premium swing bars. it is the perfect match for the person who lived life to its fullest.
What’s next…ship the body and they will cremate?
